Monday, February 12, 2018

That's good. I love you, too.

On Monday, January 29th at 12:14pm, I lost my father.


I last saw him on Friday the 26th, right before we had to leave to come back to Guam. We had hope that he'd fight through everything he was going through and continue to live a while longer. I knew things didn't look well, but he always had hope. He remained positive, and continued to say, "Everything will be okay."

My dad had a lot of health problems, and while he's had several of them for many, many years, they've only gotten worse in the last year or so. His organs were shutting down. He couldn't breathe without the help of his oxygen cannula or BiPAP machine. He was unable to walk or do anything on his own. Everyday there was a new problem, and something else he had to try to get through. I won't even go into everything he suffered from, but it was a lot, and it was hard to see him in that weakened state.

I will always regret my children not knowing him better. We've been part of the military life for fourteen years, and most of that has been spent overseas. We saw family between our moves, but that wasn't enough. I'm sad they'll never know him like I did. They'll never know where they get their sarcasm from. They'll never hear his crazy jokes and know how funny he was. They'll never understand why we're so stubborn. It's because it's all in the Lucero blood. But what I am grateful for is that they got to see him again. I'm even more glad that he got to see them. He knew we were there, and was so happy to see us.

At 12:19pm the day before he passed, my sister called me via video chat from his hospital room, and I was able to see and speak to him one last time. I told him that we had all made it back to Guam and that I loved him. His final words to me were, "That's good. I love you, too."

He didn't look well. He was a little out of it and in pain, but he looked at me through the phone and spoke those six words. Through his pain and fear, confusion and worry, he told me he loved me, and I'll never forget those final words. I'm so happy I got to see him and spend some time with him before he died. I wish I could've been there longer. I wish I could've been there more often. But I'm glad I saw him, hugged him, kissed him, and told him I loved him in person.

I got the news at around 6:20am the next morning. We all cried together that day. Since then, I've cried a lot. I've had random breakdowns while cooking dinner, after dropping my kids off at school, and while just laying in bed after waking up. I try to keep busy, but things are destined to slow down, and when they do, all I do is think and remember, and cry. My only solace now is that he isn't in pain anymore. He didn't deserve to suffer like that, and knowing he's not in pain makes it easier to deal with my own.

I'll continue to have my bad days, but he will live forever in my heart and memories. I recently saw a quote that explains grief pretty well.

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison

I'm still learning. It took me a while to write this because I had to wait until I felt like it was a calm day and not an overwhelming day.

I know life goes on for the rest of us, and while writing isn't always what I feel like doing, especially during my emotional days, I'm not quitting. My dad always believed in me. He told me all the time how proud he was of me, and how he just knew that one day one of my books would make it big. So, I'm not going to stop working. I want to be able to prove him right.

I'm not much of a poet, but one day, during one of my emotional moments, I wanted to write out my feelings, and they came out in the form of a poem. It's probably not the best, but I want to share it anyway.

The sun sets and rises again, though you are not here.
How can I continue to function is one thing I fear. 
But your memory must live on, and in my heart you’ll always be. 
Though you left this earth, your blood continues to flow through me.
You always said I made you proud, and that memory will forever remain. 
I miss you, Dad, but I’m glad you’re no longer in pain. 
I may never be able to hear your laugh or roll my eyes at your silly jokes. 
But I’ll always remember your love for music, and of course, for all the cokes. 
You said you believed in me, and always wished only the best. 
Though you won’t be here to see my accomplishments, I’ll remember your words above the rest. 
Tonight the sun will set and the day will come to an end. 
My heart will continue to be broken, but knowing you loved me will help it mend.




I love you, Dad. 
I'll miss you everyday. 

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I should've called more



On New Year's Day, I called my dad to wish him a happy new year and also a happy birthday. I spoke to him on Christmas and he was fine, but on his birthday he sounded a little off and admitted to not feeling so well. You see, my dad's been sick for quite some time. There have been numerous hospital visits, and they seem to have become more frequent as of late. Anyway, a few hours after I spoke to him, my sister called to tell me he was being admitted into the hospital because he wasn't able to breathe properly.

As of today, he's still in the hospital. He had to be put on life support because he wasn't able to breathe on his own. He's waiting to be transferred to another hospital in a different state because that is where his medical team is and because the hospital he's at now isn't capable of handling the procedure he needs done. However, the hospital is completely full and there are no rooms available, so my dad has to continue to wait, just for a chance at getting better. To say the least, it's a bit frustrating.

Luckily, he was able to come off the ventilator, however he still needs oxygen, and is still struggling to breathe. He's far from healthy, and will never truly get there. He will need constant help with even the smallest things. However, my dad is a fighter. He's been fighting for years, and I'm so glad he's been able to pull through everything that has been thrown at him. I was able to speak to his doctor, and after that conversation, we've taken all the steps necessary for the military to fly us out of here and get us back home. Unfortunately, we aren't able to finalize our flights until we know the date my dad will be moved to the other hospital. So, we're still waiting.

Today, my sister called me via video chat from my dad's hospital room, and I saw my dad for the first time in four and a half years. It's shocking to see the change in him, but it also made my heart happy to see him sitting up. He's always tried to put on a brave face. He never wants people to know how much he's truly struggling, and always says there's probably someone out there who has it worse. But right now, I feel like that can't be true.

We were supposed to be living in the states by now, and if you've followed my updates on why we're still stuck on this island, you're aware of our situation, but it's frustrating to know I should've been there. I should've seen him already. I should be closer to home so I can help, but instead I'm thousands of miles away and completely helpless.

I'm extremely grateful that I was able to see and talk to him today, though. I was able to tell him I love him, and that I'd hopefully be there soon. He looks forward to seeing me and my family. I mean, four and a half years?! That's a long time to not see family, but with us always living so far from the states, it's hard for us to visit. We usually visit between our moves, but because of our situation now, we've been here longer than we should have been.

In this situation, it's easy to look back and have regrets. I know I should've called him more often. I should've tried harder. Our relationship hasn't always been the closest, and I've been away from home for a long time, and the time difference is awful, but I should've called more. Even if I didn't have anything to say, I should've called. I thought about him more than he'll know, and I should've called in those moments. A call doesn't have to last an hour. A call can be short and sweet, and I need to remember that.

So, I guess I leave you with this. If your parents are still around, call them more often. If you're lucky enough to be able to visit them, do that too. Don't have regrets. Don't let something happen and be able to say, I should've called more. I should've tried harder. It will only make an already heartbreaking situation worse.

As long as my parents are still here, I'll make sure to let them know I'm thinking about them and I love them. It's truly the least I could do. I don't mean for this blog to come off as a goodbye or anything like that, but I wanted to get my feelings out, and I know my dad is as tough as they come, and also stubborn as hell, so in my heart of hearts, I know he's gonna fight to stick around for as long as possible.





Keep fighting, Dad. I love you.




Thursday, October 26, 2017

Military life, Author life, Mom life (part three)


Mom Life


      ¡Hola!
         
            And finally part three. If you missed parts one and two, you can find them HERE and HERE.
      Go ahead and catch up, then come back here to finish. :)

            So with all that other stuff out of the way, I figured I'd go ahead and blog about, well, mom life. As some of you may know, I have two kids. They're absolutely amazing! I mean, I may be a little biased, but hey, whatever. Haha. Really though, I'm incredibly lucky. I couldn't ask for better kids. They're polite and well-behaved. (Mostly, I mean, one is a rambunctious ten year old boy, and one is a teenage girl, so we have our moments) ;)

           Anyway, when I was pregnant with my son, I got super huge and uncomfortable. He was a big baby and always in my ribcage. I was like, well, I'm for sure done after this. Haha. Me and my husband were both young when we had him. I was twenty-one, and already done creating my family. My daughter was four months from turning three at the time, and we had one of each, and it was truly perfect. I always wanted to experience raising a boy and a girl, and I got what I wanted! So, we never planned on having anymore. We were always adamant about being done. We would get asked all the time if we wanted more, and our answer was always swift. "NO." The older the kids got, the less likely it was going to happen. We didn't want to start over with diapers and 3am feedings, and all that. Haha.

           There was a time two or three years back when I was watching old home movies of my kids and got super emotional about how small they used to be and got a bit of baby fever. Haha. When people say "They grow up fast." They aren't joking! It's crazy. I feel like they stay toddlers for two weeks and then it's gone! Where are my babies?!

          The baby fever passed...for a while. Haha. In about June of this year, I was watching home videos again. We found a whole bunch of them and started going through them like crazy. It was a surprisingly emotional time for both of us. Our babies were growing up. Where did the time go?!

          To sum up, I had the fever again...bad. I spoke to my husband about it, and he was kind of like, "Meh," but the reaction was a little weaker than the one he had years back. I felt like maybe he had a bit of the fever, too! Wishful thinking, perhaps. Haha. It took a few days of watching videos and me asking if he was sure he didn't want to have another. On the third day, I asked what I knew would probably be my final time. If he said no, I would understand and move on, but to my surprise, he said yes!! I was like, "really?" and he said yes again! My kids were already on board. My daughter has been wanting another sibling for years, so she was definitely rooting for another baby.

           On September 5th--my husband's birthday--we found out we were pregnant. Eeek!! I took the test by myself, already about 50% sure that I was pregnant, and when it came up positive, I tucked it into my purse and made a plan. We had plans to spend the weekend at one of the resorts here, and he was going to be opening his presents there. After he opened them all up, I nonchalantly reached into my purse and was like, "Oh yeah, I forgot about this one." It was wrapped in a plastic bag and put into a bubbled envelope. Nobody would've guessed what it was. He pulled out the bag and it came undone and fell into his lap. The look on his face was priceless! My kids were surprised as well. It was an amazing moment, and I caught it all on video! I'm so happy to have that.

            It wasn't until October 25th when I announced it to people on my personal, non-author Facebook page. I wanted to wait until I had been to the doctor and had an ultrasound. I needed to be sure everything was okay. And right now, everything is perfect. I am twelve weeks, and the baby has a strong heartbeat. I'm beyond happy! We all are.

            It's been so long since I've been pregnant, and I'm quite a bit older now, so I don't know if it's because of that or what, but man, I am feeling every single symptom of this pregnancy. The nausea, the heartburn, the headaches, and random aches and pains. The sleepiness! The insane, vivid dreams. I have it all. Haha.

           The only downside, if you can call it that, is that because of what I mentioned in part one, about my husband's future in the military, the thought of having a baby in the midst of all this is quite scary. It makes it even more important for my husband to be able to stay in. It makes the possibility of moving either super far along into the pregnancy or with a newborn, quite the task. But most of all, the uncertainty of whether he stays in or not is still stressful, and we'll need every bit of comfort the military offers. We all know the added expense of another baby, and it would be nice to know we'll have steady income coming in, with medical taken care of, and a home to live in without worry. So, here's to hoping everything works out!

            Below is what we used to announce the pregnancy. One of the very first pictures of our little baby. I will be sure to keep you all updated as things progress.

xoxo
Isabel




         
         

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Military life, Author life, Mom life (part two)

Author Life


     Hello again!

            I'm back with part two, and this one will focus on all things books, writing, etc. If you missed part one, you can find it here -> Part One <- and catch up before reading this one.

           So, yes, with all the stress going on about the uncertainty of our future and my husband's career and injury, you can imagine it's been tough to really focus on anything else. Now, that doesn't mean I wasn't writing. I was. I've started and stopped three books. Three books!! Ugh. I just kind of got stuck somewhere in there for a while, and didn't feel like writing anything at all. Then I started back up with a story titled Seductress.

          You may remember me talking about this book a while back. It was going to be part of a series that I wrote with my husband. He'd be writing for the male main character, and I, the female. Then together, we'd write the third book. As awesome as that sounds, and as excited as I was for the story, it just didn't end up being as fun as I thought it would be. I'm not saying I don't love the storyline. I do. I still think it's a great story, however, it turns out I'm a bit more of a control freak than I thought. Haha. It's hard to not have control over a character. I love the Solomon King character, but my husband is writing for him, so when I'd be writing my story in the POV of Reina, it would be hard to channel the way I thought Solomon would be or what he'd say, when perhaps my husband was thinking something different. I had to constantly stop and ask, "Would he say this? Would he do this? What do you want him wearing? What would he think about this?"

          At times, we'd both be in our own groove, writing away, but then we'd have to go back and look at a scene, and rewrite what we had already written just to fit the other person's idea. We'd both love what we'd already wrote, and it's hard to get rid of something you love because it wasn't part of the other person's plan. I just gotta say...I really give a lot of props to those writing duos, because I don't know how they do it! Haha.

         Anyway, besides that, I started to feel like Reina on her own wasn't needed. While her story was well and good, Solomon is the star of the show. (You'll see once you read Madman) And he most definitely deserves all the glory. He's an amazing character, and I know my husband is doing an amazing job on his story. However, I felt like once you read Madman, you wouldn't really need to read Reina's story. While different, it's not extremely needed. You'll be filled in in Solomon's story, and I didn't want you all to feel like it was a waste of a story, or a waste of your money. What you'll really want to read is Madman, and then the story that comes after that. Also, OMG! Wait until you see the cover!! Ahhh!!!!

          I hope this is all making sense. I promise it does in my head. Haha. Anyway, so after struggling with continuing with the story, I told my husband how I felt and we decided to just go ahead and let him rearrange his story as needed to put more of Reina in there, and to let mine go. So, no, we won't be writing this series together. (Side note: If anyone is a Goodreads Librarian, please feel free to get rid of Seductress. They won't allow me to do it.) Anywhoo, perhaps another time, with another story, we'll be able to write together, but this one wasn't it.

         After giving up on that one, I had to try to plot and plan another story. I had already started one a while back that was originally going to be a novella about a summer romance, but I wasn't really feeling it anymore. So, I kept thinking and thinking, and went back to all my notes where I jot down random ideas. I found that I had written a rough draft of a blurb to a story I didn't have a title for, but I knew I loved the sound of the story. I started that one, and I'm not sure how far I got into, but it was a pretty good amount. But then...doubt kicked in. What is it with doubt? What a little bit*h!

          So, yeah, I started thinking, "Do I really want this to be the story everybody reads once I finally come back from this super long break I've had? Can I sell this? How can I market this? Will people think it's just a mediocre story?" Blah. I know we all have self-doubt, but man, this really just brought my excitement down. You see, it wasn't going to be a fluffy romance story, nor a smutty story. It was going to be a somewhat suspenseful, mysterious story, but it would, of course, have some sort of romance in it. It just started to remind me of some of my previous books. Think Again, WAR, Darkness Within.

          I LOVE those stories. Maybe that's weird to say, because I wrote them, but I truly love those stories. They're a bit different than your traditional romance stuff. Think Again deals with cheating, and I know that's taboo, and not many people love it. WAR has a female lead who's a badass, and the romance in that is minimal. Darkness Within is about a man who's had a hard life and became a bit of a psycho, and it doesn't have a traditional ending. I knew those would be a bit harder to sell, but man, I loved them! My writing has only gotten better since the Escort Series, and though those remain the books that have sold the most, I keep hoping people will take a chance on the new stuff...the better stuff.

          But I didn't want to spend all this time away, and pour my heart and soul into another book that I truly didn't feel would reach a lot of people. While writing for myself and writing what I love is what I've always believed in, I can't deny that it stings a little when the book goes widely unnoticed, and I know that it's mostly because of me. I need to write something that catches people's attention. I need to work harder at being seen. Spend more money on ads or blog tours. Any and everything I can do to be out there more, I need to do, but I want to do it with a story I think a lot of people will enjoy. And I think I've found a story that people will enjoy reading, and I'll enjoy writing.

          I'm not saying this next story will be something every single person will love, but I do have high hopes. I'm not going to say much about it just now. I'm still in the beginning stages of yet another story, but this time I truly believe my readers will be excited about this. At least, I hope so. :)

         Let's hope writer's block doesn't come bite me in the ass again. Let's hope motivation doesn't leave me, and let's hope self-doubt stays far away!

         Until next time, my friends! Part three will be up soon. And perhaps I'll continue this blogging journey. It's not so bad. I like getting everything out. I'll be able to keep y'all updated as I write, and just random goings on in my life...if anyone is interested in that sort of thing. ;)

xoxo
Isabel
            

Military life, Author life, Mom life (part one)

Military Life


Hello everyone!

     It's been a while, and I wanted to start filling you guys in on what's been going on. I know I've posted a couple times before, explaining a little of what's been going on, but things have changed since then. So, grab a drink or a snack, and settle in for a bit of reading. This is part one of three.

     First off, as some of you may know, my husband had to have surgery a while back. In April we traveled from Guam to Hawaii so my husband could have spinal surgery. He's had back problems for years, and it eventually got to the point where this was the last option to try to fix it. Before we left for the surgery, we had already received an assignment. We were set to move to New Mexico in July, but because of the surgery, and the need for him to recover, he was put on medical hold.

     Left in limbo, we assumed once he had a few months to heal, be seen by the doctor again, we'd have an answer as to what would happen next. Now, things get real complicated, and it would be hard to fully explain, so I'll try to keep it as simple as possible. Basically, after appointments being pushed back, doctor's being changed, then changed again, and lots of waiting, he's seen and told he'd be recommended to retrain into another career field. (The one he's in now isn't the best one for his back) The doctor basically said it would go to the board, and they'd either say yes or no. But if the answer is no, then they'll try to kick him out.

      Ahhhh!!! What?! Yeah, that's not good, so we were really concerned. Correction. ARE really concerned. Anyway, what happened was he received a call saying that instead of just a yes or no answer, they were going to start a full MEB. (Medical Evaluation Board) Meaning, they go over his records and decide if they want to keep him in or not. A lot more goes into this, but to sum up, they're sending him to the states next month for a series of appointments at the VA to see what he'd be capable of receiving if he gets out.

      More things will happen after he gets back in the hope of him being able to stay in. If they say no, there are appeals and more trips in his future, and us being here in the meantime. It's been extremely stressful! This is our future. I wish I could say we made enough money in book sales to not need the military, but that's definitely not the case. We need the military. We wouldn't know where or how to start over without it.

      We're still in the middle of this with no idea what's going to happen or when we'll find out. None of us want to be on this island any longer, but we're stuck here until we get an answer on his future in the military. All we can do is hope everything turns out for the best. It's been an extremely tough year. Lots of stress and uncertainty. If he's able to stay in, whether in his current job or a new one, our assignment will likely change, but at this point, we're just hoping he can stay in. I'll deal with wherever we have to live as long as he's able to keep his career.

      I feel like this isn't even half of it. There's so much that's been going on, and currently going on, and it's been hard to deal with. Hopefully we'll receive some good news by the end of it all.

     Anyway, I'll attach a few pictures from Hawaii, because even though we were there for a serious reason, we still had time to go out and explore. I won't post hospital pictures. I'll leave that to him to talk about. :)

 
Excuse the crazy hair. I was in the process of going blonde, and also it had just rained, so it was frizzy and crazy. 



At one of the most amazing malls ever!! Ala Moana

North Shore




Waikiki


The views!!

A rainbow in the rainbow state

I truly fell in love with Hawaii while we were there.

Anyway, stay tuned for part two, where I talk about what's been going on with my writing, books, and all that good stuff. 

xoxo
Isabel Lucero




     

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Chapter One of Darkness Within

ONE

“Chief Frank Larsen of the San Bernardino Police Department says they are looking for information regarding fifty-one year old, Steve Baker’s whereabouts. He was reported missing by his neighbor who told police she was concerned when he didn’t show up for their morning get-together on his porch—something they’ve done for years.  After waiting all day, and never getting a response at his door or on his phone, she called the police stating he had no family that would report him missing. Upon entering the home, police did find evidence of a struggle. If anybody has any information…” 
“Yeah, I can hear you,” I say into the phone as I mute the TV.
“Will you be able to make it out on Saturday?” Nick asks me, referring to his birthday celebration.
I pinch the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb, squeezing my eyes shut as I allow my chin to touch my chest. “What’s the plan again?”
“We’ll start the night watching the game and having some beers at Celebrities. After that, we’ll probably find a bar or club to spend the rest of the night at. You in?”
I stifle my groan. “Ah. Maybe. I might have plans, but I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
Nick sighs loudly over the receiver. He’s used to me blowing him off, but it doesn’t stop him from inviting me to things. “All right, man. Let me know.”
I hang up and place the phone next to me before reaching for the remote to unmute the TV. The news has gone off, replaced by some stupid reality dating show. With a huff, I press the power button and get up from the black, leather couch. My feet carry me across the wooden floors, taking me to the deck on the side of my house.
Here in Twin Peaks, my home is nestled in the mountains and surrounded by trees that dwarf the houses that reside near them. More importantly, however, the neighbors are scarce. It’s not a big home and it’s nothing fancy, but the privacy makes living here worth it. The houses that are closest to me cannot be seen from my property, and again, more importantly, they can’t see mine. This is where I feel most content—away from crowds of people, in my own element, where I’m in control. Where I can be me.
As a kid I was labeled a weirdo, a loner, and called many more names I’ve long tried to forget. The labels kids put on me in school didn’t bother me as much as what was happening to me at home. The terms my foster parents used to refer to me—little shit, worthless, good-for-nothing, waste of space, were still not as bothersome as being hit, kicked, starved, touched, and locked in a closet.
I never thought I’d find happiness in a small, dark place, but at least in that closet, I knew I was alone.
The kids didn’t know why I preferred being alone. They didn’t understand I had already lost the ability to trust people. Now I choose to be by myself as much as possible due to my abhorrence for much of the human population. Sure, there’s probably some well-meaning people in the world, but I’ve yet to meet very many. However, I try to exist like any normal person would, putting my mask in place every time I leave my house.
I no longer steer clear of people because I’m afraid of them or don’t trust them. That ship has sailed. I tend to steer clear of them for fear of how I’d react if they upset me too much. I don’t trust the darkness that resides inside of me.
You know how people say if your parent is a drunk, you’re more likely to become a drunk? Or if your dad was abusive, you’re likely to abuse your own family? Yeah, well I was lucky enough to have alcoholic, abusive, demented, perverted, and neglectful parents. What do you think years of that does to a person? Nothing good, I can tell you that.  Maybe I’m just one of the unlucky ones. Perhaps after years of both mental and physical torture, my mind was too weak and it snapped, creating a person void of emotion. You have to learn to not feel anything after feeling entirely too much for too long.
I sit in one of the black, aluminum patio chairs and rest my booted feet on the matching table. After swiping a pack of cigarettes from the railing of the deck, I pluck one from the box and light it up. The tip burns red as I inhale, and smoke filters up into the charcoal sky.
My mind wanders, trying to figure out what I’m going to tell Nick regarding Saturday night. It’s not that I don’t like him. I like him about as much as I can like anybody, but everything in me despises being around people, especially large groups of people. The club and bar scene is not one I ever wanted to be a part of. Any place that serves liquor to people who don’t know how to handle it, is only looking for problems.
I glance at my watch before putting my cigarette out and stride back into the house. One of the selling points with this place was the fact that it has its own little built-in workshop. At least that’s what I’m assuming it was used for. It’s connected to the back of the house, which is good because there are no homes or roads back there, only massive trees.
The floor in the workshop is concrete, and besides the wall the workshop shares with my house, the walls are made of concrete blocks. There were two large windows in here before, but I’ve since covered them up with plywood—one piece on each side of the glass.
When I enter the dark room, I pick up the lantern I left on the floor and turn it on. The fluorescent LED light is bright, but not enough to illuminate the entire room. My steps are unhurried as I make my way to the other side, but my boots clomp loudly with each stride.
I approach the chair in the corner and lift the lantern up, holding it out in front of me. My menacing smile stretches across my face slowly.
“Hello, Mr. Baker. Nice to see you’re awake.”





Sunday, October 30, 2016

Darkness Within Cover and Pre-order Links


Darkness Within





The moment it happens, everything in me changes.

Imagine somebody was able to fit inside of your body. Their arms are the same length as yours. You’re both the same height. Everything is exactly the same. Now imagine that person not being a person at all. That thing inside of you is a shadow. Darkness. A silhouette of you, only living on the inside of your body. It doesn’t have a conscious. It doesn’t have a heart. Nothing within that darkness is remotely human. Its only goal is to take over your body. It fights against your muscles. It tries breaking through the skin. It wants to replace you. That’s what it feels like when the darkness that lives inside me starts trying to get out.

I feel it happening. The pressure builds. My skin prickles. And the only thing that tames it, getting it back to resting peacefully inside me, is to unleash it. I have to let it wreak havoc, and I quite enjoy the mayhem.

Analeigh Price comes into my life and does the one thing I hate; question me about my past. She can pretend she wants to get to know me all she wants, but she’s not ready for the truth. I won’t become a better person for her, because I am who I am. She can't fix me, because my wounds are unfixable.

You see, I’m not like everybody else. Oh, no. I’m different. My humanity was stripped from me long ago, and those who are responsible are about to be paid a visit. You’ve never heard a story like mine, because I’m unlike anyone you’ve ever met. I’m no hero. I’m the guy you don’t want to piss off, because once the darkness within me is unleashed, it’ll be too late to get away.

What’s my name? It’s Donovan. Donovan James. But the darkness is taking over, and it’s only good at one thing, so I must go.




Pre-Order Links


★★TBR & Pre-Order links★★
Goodreads- http://tinyurl.com/gpzu2d3
iTunes- https://itun.es/us/ic35eb.l
Amazon US- http://tinyurl.com/jtuh7jz
Amazon UK- http://tinyurl.com/zhgr7g6
Amazon AU- http://tinyurl.com/jzwav7m
B & N- http://tinyurl.com/zrb2m7k





Title: Darkness Within

Genre: Dark Erotica

Cover Model: Marshall Perrin

Photographer: Wander Aguiar 

Cover Designer: Robin Harper from Wicked by Design